


to you, who shines more brightly than the stars above

by byungari



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Im sorry about this, M/M, doctor!jihoon, minhyun and jisung are mentiond a couple of times throughout the story, side jinhwi, side onghwan, soldier!woojin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:42:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byungari/pseuds/byungari
Summary: jihoon knows woojin’s job is dangerous – but jihoon is prepared. prepared to support woojin in everything he does, prepared to help woojin through the nightmares, prepared to understand that no matter how much he didn’t want to, woojin will be forced to keep most of the aspects of his job a secret.but jihoon is prepared. woojin’s job is dangerous, but it didn’t matter. jihoon loves woojin, woojin loves jihoon, and jihoon knows woojin will always come back to him.until he doesn’t.





	to you, who shines more brightly than the stars above

**Author's Note:**

> **[sequel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788811/chapters/39401701) has been posted!!**
> 
> -inspired by descendants of the sun episode 15  
> -majority of this oneshot is told through a series of texts  
> -i know like 0 things about doctors and how hospitals work so please forgive me if there are any mistakes regarding that aspect.
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

jihoon knows woojin’s job is dangerous. he’s not stupid; he can figure that much. he knows from the start that their relationship will be full of secrets regarding woojin’s job, but it’s not something he can complain about. it’s a matter of national security, after all, and who is jihoon to go against the law and government?

this doesn’t mean jihoon has to be happy with it, though. he frowns each time woojin comes home from another “assignment” with bruises, cuts, and sometimes broken bones. he fusses over him and forces him to stop by the hospital jihoon works at for a check-up even though he knows woojin’s already been treated by the army doctor.

woojin lets him without a word of complaint. he can only imagine how it feels to have to wait at home, not knowing if woojin would come home safe and sound. jihoon has faith in woojin, though. he trusts woojin to keep his promise: to always try his best to come home to jihoon.

“i’m good at my job, after all,” woojin had joked one night. “and part of my job is to stay alive. don’t worry, jihoon. no matter what, i’ll do everything i can to come home to you in one piece.”

the danger of woojin’s assignments vary. sometimes all he has to do is escort some vip from another country from place a to place b; sometimes he has to fly out of the country to do who knows what. woojin always says he goes to “maintain peace in the world,” but jihoon calls bullshit. how can you maintain peace by putting bullets through people?

then again, jihoon _is_ a doctor. he did take an oath to never use his skills to harm people and to do everything in his power to help those in need.

they have a code word for the particularly dangerous assignments – the ones that keep woojin coming home from weeks on end.

this code word is used for the first time in months when woojin comes to pick jihoon up from work.

“hey,” jihoon smiles at his boyfriend. “how was your day?”

“it was alright.” woojin gives jihoon a tight smile and jihoon automatically knows what’s coming. “i, uh, have to go on a trip.”

“oh.” jihoon stares down at his hands. he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to get used to this. “okay. how long will you be gone?”

woojin winces. “i think this is going to be a longer trip than usual.”

“oh.”

“i’m sorry,” woojin whispers. something inside jihoon breaks. it’s not your fault, he wants to tell him, but the words won’t come out of his mouth.

the drive back home is silent and jihoon watches wordlessly as woojin gathers up what he needs for the “trip.” he finishes too soon for jihoon’s liking and before he knows it, he’s watching woojin put on his shoes to leave.

“i’ll be back in the winter,” woojin promises. he takes jihoon’s right hand in his and presses a kiss. “stay healthy, okay?”

“okay,” jihoon chokes out. he gulps. “okay. stay safe, okay?”

“okay,” woojin whispers. there are tears in jihoon’s eyes, but he refuses to let them fall. they won’t be seeing each other for a few months, after all. he wants to send woojin off with a smile.

his attempts fail, however, and woojin tugs him forward in a tight hug, muttering i’m sorry’s and i love you’s over and over again. jihoon shuts his eyes and hugs woojin back just as tightly. he memorizes every curve on woojin’s body before forcing himself to pull back slightly. he attempts a smile as he looks up at woojin, who’s staring down at him with teary eyes.

“see you soon, park,” jihoon whispers and leans up to press a kiss on woojin’s lips. woojin responds almost desperately and they stand there for what feels like an eternity, relishing in the short moment they had before woojin would really be forced to leave.

“i’ll come home,” woojin promises. he stares down at jihoon with steely eyes, showing his resolve in his promise. “i’ll come home.”

“you better,” jihoon tries to joke. “you still owe me a proposal, you know.”

woojin cracks a grin at this and he shakes his head. “i can’t believe you. prepare yourself to be proposed in the most extra way possible when i’m back.”

“i can’t wait.” jihoon smiles softly and cups woojin’s cheeks with his hands. he presses one last kiss onto woojin’s lips and lets him go. “i love you.”

“i love you too.” woojin presses a kiss on jihoon’s forehead, his lips lingering on there for a few seconds.

jihoon watches as woojin gets into the car waiting for him and doesn’t go inside until he can’t see the car anymore.

he wonders if he’ll ever get used to the feeling of seeing woojin off, and if it’ll continue to hurt as much as it did the first time.

***

the first time jihoon and woojin meet is at a gathering planned by some mutual friends. jinyoung had been jihoon’s roommate and best friend back in boarding school. daehwi and woojin had grown up together and were practically brothers.

jinyoung and daehwi’s love story was one that played out like a movie. jinyoung had been on his way to class when daehwi crashed into him and the two of them went spiraling down the floor. through their haste to gather up their fallen belongings, they had accidentally switched phones.

they met up a few hours later to get their respective phones back, and it was history from there, as jinyoung likes to put it. jinyoung claims he managed to sweep daehwi off his feet with his suaveness while daehwi says it was the promise of free coffee and food that lured him into the date.

jihoon squints at jinyoung, who’s in the middle of telling the story to jihoon. “are you serious? i know people say you have to looks to be an actor, but really? that’s so kdrama it almost hurts.”

“shush, hyung,” jinyoung scolds lightly. “what do you know about romance, huh?”

“not as much as you, apparently,” jihoon rolls his eyes.

jihoon meets daehwi for the first time after he and jinyoung had been dating for a couple weeks. jinyoung had wanted to introduce the two of them sooner, but jihoon had been so busy with medical school and residency that he simply didn’t have the time.

it’s easy to get alone with daehwi, who wears his heart on his sleeve. daehwi is loud, expressive, and generally very colorful – the opposite of jinyoung. they compliment each other well, jihoon thinks as he watches the couple interact.

the gathering takes place while jihoon is still a resident, and so he shows up late after finishing a 12-hour shift. he stops by his rarely-used apartment for a quick shower before heading over to jinyoung and daehwi’s shared apartment. jinyoung had specifically told him not to bring anything and so jihoon didn’t make any stops on his way to their apartment.

“hyung, you made it!” jinyoung cheers when he opens the door.

“yeah, sorry i’m late.” jihoon gives jinyoung a smile and walks into the apartment. “where’s daehwi?”

“in the living room.” jinyoung leads the way. “everyone’s here already; you’re the last one.”

“ouch, way to make me feel better for being late.”

“it’s okay,” jinyoung looks back and flashes him a grin. “everyone knew you would be late because of residency. we were waiting for you.”

jihoon smiles at this, and his smile gets bigger when he sees his friends from university in the living room. donghan and hyungseob wave at him excitedly while euiwoong gives him a wide grin.

“dr. park!” haknyeon cheers when jihoon joins him on the couch. “save any lives today?”

“oh, yeah, loads.” jihoon nods seriously. “the president stopped by for a check-up today and told me to be his personal doctor when i finish up residency.”

haknyeon laughs loudly at this. hyungseob giggles and euiwoong shakes his head in exasperation. donghan holds out his hand for a high-five, which jihoon gladly gives.

“i’m glad you could make it, hyung!” daehwi shoves haknyeon a little to squeeze in between them. he gives jihoon a tight hug and grins. “there’s someone i want you to meet!”

jihoon looks at him curiously and meets eyes with woojin for the first time when he turns his head. woojin gives him an awkward smile (jihoon absentmindedly notes the snaggletooth. cute, he thinks.) and offers his hand for a handshake.

“uh, i’m woojin?” he says, though it sounds like a question. “nice to meet you.”

“wait,” hyungseob frowns before jihoon can say anything. he looks at the two of them questioningly. “do you two not know each other?”

“nope.” jihoon shakes his head at hyungseob and turns his attention back to woojin. he takes the offered hand and gives it a firm squeeze. “park jihoon. nice to meet you.”

“daehwi doesn’t shut up about you,” woojin grins and ignores daehwi’s squeals. “you’re a med student?”

“a resident now,” jihoon says. “i graduated this past february.”

“congrats, then,” woojin says with a soft smile.

“what about you?” daehwi and haknyeon gets up and leaves the two of them to get to know each other and woojin settles on jihoon’s right. “i can’t say i’ve heard much about you at all.”

“that’s okay.” woojin laughs. “i have a few friends who are residents. i can’t imagine you guys get to go out much.”

jihoon grimaces because it’s true. this is the first social outing he’s gone to since he’s graduated from medical school. “the stereotype against residents having no life is very, _very_ much true. also, you haven’t answered my question.”

“oh, so you noticed,” woojin flashes him another grin. “i’m with the korean army. i graduated from korea military academy.”

jihoon raises an eyebrow. “a soldier, huh. impressive.”

“yup.” woojin leans back and rests an arm behind jihoon’s head on the couch. “i look pretty good in the uniform.”

jinyoung, who’s been eavesdropping on their conversation, snorts at this. “you’re full of shit, that’s what you are, woojin hyung.”

“hey,” woojin protests. “it’s true!”

jihoon smiles into his hand as he watches woojin try to defend himself from his friends. he can get along with woojin, jihoon thinks to himself when woojin turns to him with a pout, telling him not to listen to anything jinyoung and hyungseob were saying.

***

_(june 13) 1:13pm_

i just finished my shift for the day and got home

remind me again to never take a 14 hour shift again thanks

i say this knowing i’ll probably do it again tomorrow sigh

anyways i think i’m going to eat a burger and get some sleep

funny how i’m the doctor in this relationship yet i’m the unhealthy eater haha

miss you, come home safe.

_(june 27) 2:32am_

i had a day off today so i went out with jinyoung, daehwi, hyungseob, and euiwoong for dinner and drinks!

jinyoung and daehwi are as gross and in love as ever while hyungseob and euiwoong are still in denial

i ran into one of my sunbaes from the hospital, seongwoo hyung

i think you’ve met him a couple of times actually? anyways he was on a date with his boyfriend and it was really awkward because i kind of spilled my drink on him oops

they didn’t seem to care though and bought us a round because seongwoo hyung likes to think of himself as the “best sunbae ever”

minhyun hyung is actually the best sunbae ever but shh that’s a secret

anyways i hope you’re eating all your meals, and that you’re staying safe

as safe as you can be, anyways

love you to the moon and back.

_(july 3) 5:47pm_

ugh remember that one colleague i told you about? han youngbin, the one who used his connections to get to where he is right now?

well he took over an operation i was assisting in for some reason and he royally fucked it up

so of course i had to swoop in and take over and ugh it was just a mess

he has so much potential but he refuses to admit his mistakes and just relies on his parents to get him out of trouble

i wish people wouldn’t take this profession as a joke because we literally hold the lives of our patients in our hands

why are so many people like this?

_(july 11) 8:18pm_

you’re going to get so mad at me when you see what i’ve been eating since you left haha

i don’t think i’ve gone into the kitchen once except to get water since you left

not that it really matters i guess since i’m rarely home these days

i've noticed it’s hard being in an empty apartment

miss you and your cooking. come home to me soon.

i love you.

***

jihoon shoves people out of the way. “move, move!” he’s been paged by professor lee. there’s been a huge accident involving five cars, and jihoon was one of the only on-call surgeons available at that moment.

he leaves the operation room almost twelve hour later. he takes off his scrubs and gloves and throws them into the bin they have sitting outside the operation room and heads to the cafeteria to get some coffee. he still had rotations to do after this, and he needed all the energy he could get.

a few tears escape his eyes and jihoon can’t help but wonder if he’s still cut out to be a doctor.

***

_(july 30) 12:58am_

hey i’m still at the hospital but they told me to get some rest before i start rotations

today was hard. there was a huge 5-way accident and there were kids involved, and yeah…

they’re okay though. we saved the kids. but their parents…

i wish you were here with me.

love you always. stay safe.

_(august 5) 11:22am_

wow i can’t believe how hot it is in seoul right now

it’s 11:22 in the morning and it’s 38 degrees outside can you believe it?

i can’t wait for summer to be over partly so that i can start wearing sweaters to work

but mostly because summer ending means you’re coming home soon.

i wonder if we’ll be able to spend christmas together? i put in a request to take the 24th and 25th off just in case.

i hope we have enough time to decorate the apartment together.

stay safe, okay?

_(august 11) 9:32pm_

jinyoung finally proposed today!!

they were sad that you weren’t here to see it, but i got it on video so don’t worry

i made sure to zoom in on daehwi’s crying face just for you.

i miss you. i pray every night that you’ll come home to me soon.

***

jihoon slumps down on the plastic chair in front of the operation room and stares at his hands blankly. the patient is alive, but there’s no telling when she’ll wake up. her family is in hysterics, demanding the doctors to wake her up, and jihoon’s heart breaks a little.

“hey.” seongwoo presses a can of coffee onto jihoon’s face and offers him a small smile.

“hey, hyung.” jihoon takes the coffee with a grateful smile.

“how was the operation?” seongwoo asks. he takes a seat next to jihoon, taking a sip of his own coffee.

jihoon winces a little. “the patient is alive, but we don’t know when she’ll wake up.”

seongwoo hums. “i see. but she’s alive, right? and there’s hope for her?”

“yeah, but…”

“then don’t beat yourself up too much,” seongwoo gives jihoon a comforting squeeze. “you did your best.”

jihoon sighs but gives a resigned smile. he knows seongwoo is right; there’s no use in beating himself up now. “thanks, hyung.”

“no problem.” seongwoo stands up and stretches, letting out a groan of relief when a few joints pop. “take the rest of the day off. i’ll talk to jisung hyung. i’m sure we can find some poor resident to take your rotation for tonight.”

jihoon laughs and stands up as well. “don’t be so mean to the residents. we were once in their shoes too, you know.”

“yeah, i know,” seongwoo gives him a knowing look. “why do you think i’m so mean to them? this is _exactly_ what my seniors did to me when i was a resident.”

shaking his head, jihoon follows seongwoo into the hallway. “you’re horrible, hyung.”

“i know.” seongwoo smirks a little but sobers up quickly. “seriously, though. go get some sleep. and i mean at your own apartment that you pay for and not the room the residents use. they get nervous whenever you crash there, you know.”

jihoon pouts. “don’t lie to me. seonho loves it when i crash his bunk. he asks me all sorts of questions about minhyun hyung.”

“jihoon.” seongwoo stops and gives jihoon a serious look. “go home. i don’t want to see you back here until you’ve gotten at least nine hours of sleep, okay? i’m going to let jisung hyung and professor lee know.”

“okay.” jihoon knows there’s no use in arguing with seongwoo. “let me just grab my stuff and change and i’ll be on my way.”

“good.” seongwoo nods approvingly. “do you need a ride? i think sungwoon hyung’s going to finish up his shift soon if you want to ask him.”

“no, i’ll take the bus.” jihoon shakes his head. “i’ll see you later, yeah?”

“yeah.” seongwoo ruffles jihoon’s hair affectionately. “i want to introduce you to jaehwan. let me know when that soldier boyfriend of yours comes home, okay?”

jihoon gives seongwoo a tight smile and nods. “okay.”

***

_(august 30) 5:53pm_

seongwoo hyung forced me to go home earlier than i’m supposed to

again

i’m 100% sure he’s going to get me in trouble for this but i guess i can see why he keeps telling me to get some rest.

i’m a huge mess right now, honestly.

he introduced me to his boyfriend the other day, the one i spilled my drink on. his name is jaehwan and he’s a music producer.

i think daehwi would like him. they have the same look in their eyes when they talk about music.

seongwoo hyung wants to go on a double date when you come home. i don’t even want to think about how hard it’ll be to match up all four of our schedules but i think it’ll be fun.

i wish time would go by faster. miss you more every day.

_(september 4) 7:13pm_

the weather’s starting to get cooler in the evenings so i’m eating dinner up on the rooftop today

daehwi dropped off food he told me to eat for lunch but i was stuck in the operation room until a little ago so i’m eating his lunchbox now

i sent him a picture of it and he yelled at me for waiting so long to eat his “wonderful food” haha

they miss you a lot too. i hope you’re safe, wherever you are.

this trip is taking a little long, don’t you think? come home to me soon.

i love you.

_(september 17) 2:13pm_

ahh i was on my way home from the hospital when it started pouring out of nowhere…

i didn’t have an umbrella so i had to run all the way home from the bus stop

this happened once when i was still a resident. i think it was when we first moved in together. you made me wait at the bus stop so that you could come pick me up with an umbrella

not that it mattered since we ended up shoving each other out into the rain hehe

i wonder if it’ll snow when you come home? i hope it does.

are you eating your meals? are you taking care of yourself?

come back to me healthy, okay?

***

jinyoung and daehwi force him to go eat lunch with them when jihoon gets off after a fifteen-hour shift. they meet up at a family restaurant near the hospital jihoon works at.

“hyung,” daehwi pouts. “you’re getting so skinny. woojin hyung’s not going to be happy when he sees this, you know.”

“are you eating all your meals?” jinyoung questions with a frown. “you’re a doctor, you know. you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of your patients.”

jihoon rolls his eyes but his voice is fond when he responds. “yes, i’m eating all my meals. don’t worry. this is just an inevitable side-effect after all the twelve to fifteen-hour shifts i’ve been taking this week.”

daehwi frowns a little. “still. take care of yourself, okay? i don’t need woojin hyung coming over just to nag us about how we let you get so skinny while he was gone.”

“don’t worry, i won’t let him do that.” jihoon laughs. “so, have you guys decided on what to get?”

“i think i’ll get the naengmyun,” jinyoung hums thoughtfully. “what about you, daehwi?”

“the donkatsu,” daehwi decides after a pause. “jihoon hyung?”

“chickenkatsu for me,” jihoon says. they call the server over and relay their orders. “so, what have you two been up to?”

“well my publicist wants me to go on a book tour.” jinyoung makes a face. “she’s been nagging me about finishing up my next book, but you can’t just rush art like that, you know?”

jihoon snorts and daehwi shakes his head. they both know that jinyoung is already in the process of editing his book and that he’s just being difficult for the sake of it.

“poor sejeong noona,” jihoon shakes his head. “what did she do to get stuck with a childish author like you?”

“hey!” jinyoung protests. daehwi laughs and agrees with jihoon, telling him about the time sejeong stormed into their apartment because jinyoung had refused to attend a meeting with the press.

“what about you, daehwi?” jihoon smiles at the younger, who beams.

“i just finished up recording with a new soloist who’s going to debut soon,” daehwi gushes. “his name is kang daniel and he’s really cool!”

“cooler than me?” jinyoung demands.

“definitely,” daehwi nods in confirmation and jinyoung pouts. when jihoon points out that it’s not exactly hard to be cooler than jinyoung, the latter throws a balled-up napkin at him in retaliation.

he’s missed this, jihoon smiles contently as he watches daehwi try to placate a sulking jinyoung. it would’ve been even better if woojin was home, but jihoon can wait.

he’s patient, after all.

***

_(september 29) 4:05pm_

the soloist daehwi produced a song for debuted today!

daehwi was right, he’s really cool.

not cooler than you, obviously. but still pretty cool. the song was good. i think you’d like it

but then again, you like every song daehwi’s ever produced

not that i blame you. his songs are always good.

maybe we can go to karaoke when you come home and sing some of his songs.

if i get you drunk enough will you dance for me again? hehe

love you! stay safe

_(october 5) 8:14am_

i’m on the bus on my way to the hospital! it’s getting cooler these days. i finally broke out my sweaters and i’m so happy.

seongwoo hyung’s going to be a nightmare, though. he always gets so cranky when it gets cold. i hope there’s enough coffee in the lounge and cafeteria to keep him warm and quiet.

maybe i’ll go talk to jisung hyung about it…

come home soon so we can cuddle, okay? i love you.

_(october 16) 2:15pm_

you won’t believe what happened today in the cafeteria omg

i was having lunch with seongwoo hyung and minhyun hyung when that han youngbin walked in talking about some surgery he apparently “saved” or something like that

so seongwoo hyung snorted really loudly and asked me in the loudest voice possible about a botched surgery i had to take over a couple months ago and asked me who the surgeon in charge was

i was mortified omg but it was so worth youngbin’s face wow

one more season until you come home, right?

i can’t wait.

***

it’s halloween which means a plethora of teenagers stumbling in drunk, sporting some injury they got at a party or who knew where else. jihoon shakes his head and watches sympathetically as sungwoon has to wheel a hysterical (and drunk) teen into the emergency room because of a broken bone.

he hates this shift, and he’s glad he managed to convince jonghyun to switch shifts with him. he’s done for the day and on his way out of the hospital when his pager beeps. he stifles a groan and checks to see who it is. it’s professor lee, which means there’s either an emergency he needs jihoon for or he wants jihoon to come observe something.

jihoon hopes it’s the latter. he loves his job, but he really, _really_ wanted to go home and get some sleep. he asks the nurses for professor lee’s whereabouts and sighs when he learns that he’s getting ready for an operation. so it was the first option, then.

as he’s scrubbing up, seongwoo joins him with a grimace. “you got paged too?”

“yup,” jihoon sighs. “any idea on what’s happening?”

“motorcycle accident,” seongwoo winces. “nasty stuff.”

“yikes.”

“yup.” seongwoo shakes his head. “the driver was drunk driving.”

jihoon frowns at this. “why are people so irresponsible?”

“i wish i knew, jihoonie. i wish i knew.”

***

_(november 2) 12:00am_

happy birthday! i don’t know where you are right now, but it’s november 2 here in korea.

i wish we could’ve celebrated your birthday together.

stay safe, okay?

i love you.

_(november 11) 11:23pm_

it’s pepero day and the nurses gave us all pepero to snack on while we do our rounds. i feel kind of bad because i didn’t prepare anything but in my defense i’ve been on-call and stuck at the hospital for the past 3 days, so…

seongwoo hyung and minhyun hyung got the most pepero from patients and nurses out of all the doctors in our department, but no one’s really surprised. they’re really popular, after all

one of the nurses gave me the strawberry pepero you like so much that i can’t stand. i put it in the freezer and i hope you come home soon enough to eat it.

miss you more than ever. i love you.

_(november 24) 6:18am_

seongwoo hyung and i’ve been stuck at the hospital this past week because of some of the residents we’re in charge of screwed up so we’re being punished sigh

i don’t remember being this irresponsible when i was a resident but to each their own, i guess.

jaehwan hyung brought us breakfast though so we’re eating that right now in the lounge. i have no idea what he’s doing up at this hour though, but if there’s anything i learned from daehwi is that music producers are on an entirely different schedule on their own haha

i’m eating all my meals, doing my best to get enough sleep, and making sure my patients stay alive.

what about you? how’s your health? are you eating all three meals? are you getting enough sleep? any life-threatening injuries i know you’re going to try to hide from me but i’ll find out anyways?

i’m going to lock you up in our apartment for a week when you’re back.

i love you.

***

jihoon and woojin hit it off pretty much immediately and they exchange numbers before leaving daehwi and jinyoung’s apartment. woojin texts him the next morning asking if he’s free for coffee, and it’s game over from there for jihoon.

he falls fast and hard, but woojin is the same. they start dating after a few months of awkward flirting and coffee dates and move in together after a year of dating.

it’s hard at first for jihoon. there are too many secrets woojin is forced to keep. while jihoon tells him about everything that happens in the hospital, the most woojin can tell him is approximately how long and dangerous his assignments are.

sometimes, he can’t even tell jihoon that.

they fight a lot about it, of course. jihoon can’t understand _why_ it’s so imperative that everything is kept a secret. he’s angry about the injuries woojin always comes home with. he’s angry that woojin won’t hesitate to sacrifice himself if it means saving another.

but most of all, he’s angry because he knows how hard it is for woojin.

woojin, who wears his heart on his sleeve and can’t keep a poker face to save his life. woojin, whose heart is so pure he cries while watching videos of dogs. woojin, who drops whatever he’s doing to go help jihoon. woojin, who helps the elderly cross the street and carries their belonging for them to wherever they’re going.

woojin, who holds a childlike innocence in him despite everything he’s seen through his job. woojin, who despite all the corruption and wrongdoings he sees on a daily basis still manages to see everything good in the world.

jihoon knows it’s harder for woojin than it is for him, but he can’t help it. he just wants woojin to be safe, to stay somewhere jihoon can see him and help him if he’s hurt.

what hurts the most is that despite everything he’s learned in his years in medical school and his skills as a doctor, jihoon won’t be able to help woojin when he needs him most.

***

“so,” jinyoung says slowly. he’s hesitant to bring the topic up. daehwi nudges him and hyungseob shakes his head in warning. “it’s december.”

“it is,” jihoon nods. “i’m glad you’re capable of reading a calendar, baejin. i knew you had it in you.”

“shut up, hyung,” jinyoung grouses. “it’s december. didn’t woojin hyung say he’ll be back in the winter?”

“have you heard anything from him, hyung?” euiwoong asks cautiously.

jihoon is silent. he shakes his head after a pause, his shoulders slumping down in defeat. “no.”

daehwi purses his lips and wraps a comforting arm around jihoon. “it’s okay, hyung. i’m sure he’ll come home soon.”

“yeah,” jihoon swallows. “i hope so.”

***

_(december 5) 3:42pm_

i met up with jinyoung, daehwi, hyungseob, and euiwoong for lunch today. they asked me if i’ve heard anything from you.

it hurt a lot to say no.

where are you? it’s winter now. you said you were going to come home in the winter, didn’t you?

well, it’s winter now, and you’re still not home.

i wish i had a way of knowing if you were safe or not. that’s all i need. to know that you’re safe.

i miss you.

_(december 14) 7:22pm_

i lost a patient today.

he went into cardiac arrest and we tried to save him, but…

he was only a college student.

wish you were here to tell me it’s going to be okay.

***

it’s christmas eve, and to jihoon’s dismay, woojin still isn’t home. jinyoung and daehwi sense his spiraling mood and does their best to make sure jihoon has company during the holiday season. seongwoo joins their cause, and before he knows it, he’s sandwiched between seongwoo and jaehwan with jinyoung and daehwi sitting across from them.

“since when do you four know each other?” jihoon demands, giving the two couples a suspicious look.

“daehwi and i work at the same company.” jaehwan raises an eyebrow. “did i not mention that?”

“no, you didn’t,” jihoon grumbles. “neither did daehwi.”

daehwi raises a hand. “to my defense, i didn’t know the person jaehwan hyung was dating was your sunbae.”

“how many ong seongwoo’s do you know in your life, huh?”

“i didn’t know his name!”

jinyoung snorts. “stop arguing and decide on what you’re going to get, you two.”

jihoon and daehwi pout but comply. jinyoung was paying, after all. it would be rude to piss off the man who was treating them out.

“why am i here?” it finally hits jihoon that he’s somewhat intruding on what looks like a double date. “why am i fifth-wheeling?”

“you’re not fifth-wheeling if this isn’t a date,” jinyoung says and takes a sip of his wine.

“uh, doesn’t change the fact that i’m sitting here having dinner with _two_ sets of couples.”

“be quiet and eat your steak, jihoonie,” seongwoo says simply. jihoon shuts his mouth and sulks silently. jaehwan pours him another glass of wine and pats his head comfortingly with a chuckle.

jihoon appreciates his friend’s efforts, he really does. but he can’t help feeling lonely despite being surrounded by people. he knows this feeling won’t go away until woojin comes home, but he tries his best to be responsive to his friend’s efforts.

he knows he’s not fooling anyone from the looks jinyoung gives him and from the way seongwoo dotes on him a little more than usual, but he tries his best.

sometimes, though, your best isn’t good enough.

***

_(december 31) 11:50pm_

where are you?

i miss you.

come home soon.

love you.

_(january 5) 5:13pm_

i’ve been at the hospital since new years because i can’t stand going home to an empty apartment.

i know i’m probably stressing the residents out, but i can’t help it.

i’ll make sure to redirect their anger to you when you come home.

when are you coming home?

_(january 9) 9:23am_

jisung hyung kicked me out today and told me that i’m not allowed to come back for the next week unless there’s an emergency

i tried to convince seongwoo hyung to get jisung hyung to change his mind, but apparently he's on jisung hyung’s side

traitors

if you were home i wouldn’t have cared. a week together with no interruptions sounds great right now.

i hope you come home soon.

i love you.

***

“it’s okay, hyung.” daehwi hugs jihoon tightly while jihoon tries his best to stop his tears. “he’ll come home soon, and the three of us can kick his ass for making you worry so much.”

jinyoung nods and wordlessly wraps his arms around both daehwi and jihoon.

seven months without woojin and jihoon feels a part of his heart break each day that passes by without woojin by his side.

***

_(february 14) 6:11pm_

jinyoung and daehwi invited me out to dinner today but i said no.

i feel bad for intruding on their dates all the time

even though it’s not really my fault. they drag me out even if i say no.

it’s valentine’s day, though, and i don’t think i can stomach seeing all the couples around me.

will you come home soon?

i don’t know how much longer i can go without you next to me.

_(february 28) 2:32pm_

seongwoo hyung is so pissed haha

jaehwan hyung tripped and sprained his ankle. you should’ve seen seongwoo hyung’s face when he limped into the hospital with daehwi’s help.

daehwi says that’s the face i make whenever you hurt yourself. he’s probably right.

will i have to make that face when you come home? i hope i don’t.

_(march 14) 1:49am_

today was a surprisingly slow day. not a lot of emergencies. just one accident but the drivers were mostly just bruised, which is always good.

minhyun hyung had me go home early today since there wasn’t much for me to do. i know they’re trying to help but i wish they’d realize that i’d rather be kept busy at the hospital rather than sit around idly at home.

i don’t like being alone.

_(march 31) 12:39pm_

it’s starting to get warmer. i can see some of the flowers starting to bloom.

it’s almost spring now. where are you?

***

jihoon gets the news the day the cherry blossoms bloom. he had walked to the hospital that day to bask in the weather and appreciate the flowers around him. when he arrives at the office he shares with seongwoo, he sees professor lee and someone he doesn’t know already there, waiting for him.

his heart drops when he sees that the unknown man is wearing a uniform.

“jihoon,” professor lee stands up. jihoon can’t hear him though; he’s focused on the man in front of him.

seongwoo is there too, watching the three of them anxiously, but jihoon doesn’t even realize. all he can feel is his heart threatening to jump out of his chest and his lungs constricting in anxiety. there could only be one reason for someone from the army being here for jihoon.

“my name is kang dongho,” the man says after a beat of silence. “i’m with the korean army. would you like to sit down?”

jihoon shakes his head. his voice doesn’t seem to be working. the man – dongho – purses his lips but doesn’t try to convince him. “okay.”

“where’s woojin?” jihoon asks when he finally finds his voice. “is he home? is he safe?”

dongho is silent and professor lee looks at him with sympathetic eyes. jihoon feels the blood rush to his ears. he sees dongho’s lips moving and he vaguely registers him saying something about losing contact and not being able to locate woojin and the rest of his team.

“due to the length of time that’s passed, we have to now assume that they’re… dead.” dongho says that last word quietly. jihoon can see that it hurts him too, but he can’t comprehend anything at that moment.

jihoon stares at the ground blankly and lifts his hand to take the envelope dongho gives him. he doesn’t even register dongho leaving after bowing. he doesn’t register professor lee trying to tell him to breathe. he doesn’t register seongwoo pulling him into a hug and muttering what’s probably supposed to be comforting words.

he can’t breathe.

hecantbreathehecantbreathehecantbreathehecantbreathe–

he collapses and hears seongwoo and professor lee shout out in shock, but he can’t bring himself to care.

woojin is gone.

woojin is gone, and jihoon is never going to see him again.

***

they hold the funeral a few weeks after jihoon receives the news. he stares blankly at the picture of woojin smiling. his snaggletooth peeks out and jihoon’s heart breaks all over again. he can feel daehwi and jinyoung next to him, holding his hands; squeezing them tightly every now and then to try to reassure jihoon that they were right there next to him.

the details of his death had to be kept a secret, according to dongho. he reluctantly brings a piece of paper for jihoon to sign to make sure he keeps quiet about anything he knows that he isn’t supposed to. jihoon laughs. as if woojin would compromise his safety for a few state secrets. he signs the paper without even reading and asks dongho to get out of his sight. he knows it’s not dongho’s fault; he wasn’t even on the assignment. but he can’t help feeling bitter towards him.

he hasn’t read the letter woojin left him yet. he knows that once he reads it, everything will become real and woojin really won’t be coming home.

jihoon holds onto that foolish hope that woojin will miraculously be found and come home to him safe and sound. he promised, after all, and woojin always keeps his promises.

six months pass by in a blur and jihoon knows that woojin won’t be coming home.

jihoon throws himself into his work, not letting a single second go by where he’s standing around idly. he knows that if he’s given even a second of rest that the memories will come flooding back and he’ll be reduced into tears.

jisung and the rest of jihoon’s superiors are disapproving, but they can’t say anything.

seongwoo is the only one brave enough to force jihoon to stop and get some rest every now and then. he forces jihoon to sleep but doesn’t make him go home to his apartment. he offers the guest bedroom in his and jaehwan’s apartment, but jihoon opts to crash on the sofa in his office. he doesn’t want to make the residents any more uncomfortable than he already has.

daehwi and jinyoung stop by the hospital with food every now and then. they’re scared for him, worried that he’ll work himself to the bone, but jihoon can’t bring himself to reassure them that he’ll be fine. not when he knows, and they know, that it’s a lie.

it’s a rare night when he has to go home. he lays in bed, staring at the empty space next to him, and wonders if he’ll ever be okay; if it’ll ever get better.

he closes his eyes. his dreams these days are what he prefers over reality, because at least in his dreams he can see woojin again.

his tears soak the pillow for the nth time since woojin left and jihoon prays for this to just be one big nightmare, and that he’ll wake up in woojin’s arms the next morning.

when he wakes up alone and cold, he knows.

this isn’t a nightmare, and woojin isn’t coming home.

***

_my love hoonie,_

_every time we leave on an assignment, we write a will. i write this will while hoping that it never reaches you, but if you’re reading this, then that means i failed and broke my promise. my promise to not worry you. my promise to not be hurt. my promise to not die. my promise to come back home to you. i haven’t kept any of those._

_i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i failed, and i’m sorry that i won’t be able to come home to you anymore._

_every second i spent with you were the best moments of my life. every second i spent with you by my side were blessings i never deserved. do you know, just how beautiful you are? i can’t help but wonder every morning i wake up with you in my arms, just how lucky i managed to get. how did someone like me end up with an angel like you? how did someone so undeserving as me manage to catch the attention of someone as amazing as you?_

_meeting you is the best thing that has happened to me. i’m thankful that i got to spend the last few years with you next to me, cheering me on even though i know it hurt you every time i had to leave; every time i came home with more injuries and baggage._

_i’m thankful that i got to meet you, and that i was given the chance to love you. loving you is a privilege that i’m grateful i got to experience, and i want you to know that every day with you was a blessing to me._

_i want to thank you for loving me, for putting up with my selfish self, for staying by my side._

_i know it’s shameless, but i hope that you won’t cry for too long. i hope that you, more than anyone else, continue to live well and brightly like you always have._

_and… don’t remember me for too long. i’m asking a favor of you. i want you to continue and live your life without me dragging you down; without you mourning for too long. i know it’s selfish of me to ask you of this, but i hope that you will move forward in your life._

_my jihoon, my park jihoon, who i loved more than anything else in the world. i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i made you cry. i’m sorry that i made you worry. i’m sorry that i won’t be there anymore to wipe away your tears._

_my jihoonie, who shines more brightly than the stars above, i love you._

_stay healthy. don’t skip your meals. remember to rest every now and then. don’t terrorize your interns and residents too much. say hello to jinyoung and daehwi for me._

_i love you. i can never say this enough. i can never emphasize this enough. i wish i had told you more often how much i love you; i wish i could’ve showed you more often just how much you mean to me._

_please don’t spend too long crying over this idiot._

_i love you, forever and always._

_park woojin_

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/iridescent__ong) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/iridescent__ong)


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